Have you ever felt so frustrated, but you just do not know what is the particular thing that made you so frustrated? Or is it that you're frustrated over something that you know you shouldn't be frustrated about? I don't know why but i feel it all the time. The thing is you know its not something critical and its not something you can change but its a fact that you have to accept. But in the middle of acceptance, you just keep running away from it instead of accepting it.

I'm exactly the kinda person that will not bother until the thing comes to the point where i have to choose. I'll just put it off until i cannot put off anymore. Yeah, bad attitude. But what is the point of being frustrated over something you cannot change, right? Unfortunately, I've recently noticed a change in myself. I noticed that my patience is running off, and that whenever something bad happens, I'll just get so frustrated that i can't sleep. I always think that I'm a pretty happy go lucky person that don't care two hoots, what comes, what goes. But i guess not anymore.. "Let it be" is just not in my dictionary anymore.

Have you ever possess anything in your life, you love it so so so much, but at the back of your mind, something just asks you to pull away a little so that you won't get hurt so much when the thing is ruined? Or have you ever felt that you can't believe you own that thing and keep thinking its just a dream, although you touch, feel and see that thing everyday? Its like, its there, but you can't believe its yours. Yeah, stupid right. If you love it so much and its yours, why don't you enjoy it? Instead of spending time pondering why and how you can be so lucky that you own it. I really don't know. So many times in the pass few weeks, i kept doubting whether it really belongs to me or not.

Sigh, I think need some sense of security. I need to start trusting people like how i used to. I don't know what is stopping me from trusting. I really don't know. Maybe i'm just too afraid of losing again, or maybe i just can't afford to lose. Its just me. I'm getting too paranoid. I duwanna lose it, i cannot.

-June